Wednesday, January 30, 2013

I once was blind but now I see

I took this picture today.
It is symbolic of the way I feel. The lamp posts in the photo are not turned on. The Bible says, "Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path." (Psalm 119:105) I have been reading the Word of God a lot and reading scriptures but I have not actually been letting it shine on my spiritual path so I can see better. The road is winding here and I cannot see where the road will lead me. I know where it takes me because I have driven on it many times, but symbolically it is like my life. I am navigating around some curvy roads in my life right now and I cannot always see where the road will lead me. This is when I am supposed to walk by faith and not by sight. (2 Corinthians 5:7) (For we walk by faith, not by sight:) The trees are bare and seem dead on the outside. No leaves are budding, but it is winter season so the trees are not supposed to have blossomed yet. The sky is overcast with threatening clouds of rain which did eventually start to fall on me.

So what does this mean for me? I will break it all apart so I can get a better understanding. This is the way God teaches me things. I have been praying for clarity and am in a very fragile state right now. Good friends have offered sound advice and my husband has been the rock I can lean on but I am still uneasy inside...unsure. So I think this is God's way of helping me see what is happening in my own life and hopefully if you are going through a difficult time in your life, it will help you, too.

So I want to talk about the sky first. The sky looks overcast and gray, looming clouds above threaten of rain because it is going to rain. Duh, Bridgett! I know but sometimes I miss the obvious. You know? Like instead of just saying it is a gloomy day, it really is a perfect day for rain. Right? The circumstances are great for a rainy day. I love sunshine and blue skies but I cannot forget the summer of 2012 and how important it is to have rainy days, too. So even if rainy days seem a little sad and dreary at times, it is necessary. Maybe the situation I am in seems bleak and obscure but it is also necessary. Without these times of "rain" in my life I wouldn't grow as much as a person. My faith might not be as strong if I didn't have to encounter difficult situations where relying on my faith is all that I have.

What about the trees? Well, I think the most profound statement I can make is that it is the season for bare trees. My life is made up of seasons. I go through times of rebirth, renewal, refreshing in my spring seasons. Sometimes I have reached a point of full maturity and growth in a particular area of my life and I am in my summer. I seem to enjoy the length of my days and the experiences I am having. Fall is my favorite season of all on the calendar but it is a great time in my spiritual life, too. I am able to harvest a lot of blessings from the planting season and the hard work of learning lessons and taking chances and believing God when I had no proof that it was going to be okay. But now is my winter. Winter is hard. Winter is about dying. Winter is about releasing things and letting them go. Winter is lonely at times and harsh at times and sometimes the cold rain comes. I am in my winter and it is okay that I am bare and empty because if I don't let go of some things in my life I cannot be free to enjoy my spring time.

So where is the road going? I don't really know and I think that is supposed to be the way it is. I think God wants me to have fun in the "not knowing" phase although He knows I hate this part. I like to know what is next. I want a list. I want steps. I want to follow a plan but being a Christian means that sometimes we have to just go where God leads because He loves us and knows what is best for us. He doesn't want me to worry about the traveling arrangements, He only wants me to enjoy the journey. You know when I was little we would take car trips to Florida to see my dad's family and I would get car sick so my mom would give me medicine to pretty much knock me out. I would wake up a few times on the long journey there and I would look at bright city lights, large bodies of water, or maybe a traffic jam we were stuck in and then I would just doze back off. I never remembered feeling stressed out or unsure we were going to get to the destination. After all, my dad was driving and he is a walking, talking Atlas! If I get stuck anywhere and call him, he just wants to know what mile marker I'm on and he can navigate me anywhere I need to be. I am just the opposite. I am directionally challenged and my close friends and family can attest to the fact that I get lost pretty easily. But I need to just sit back and relax right now in this winter time because God's got this! He is not surprised about anything going on in my life right now. He is walking beside me and He knows where we are going!

And now we get to the dark lamps. Sometimes there is not enough darkness around for those lights to come on. As Christians we avoid the darkness, right? We are to be children of the light. (Ephesians 5:8) For ye were sometimes darkness, but now are ye light in the Lord: walk as children of light: So why would I need to be surrounded by darkness if I am not "of the night, or darkness." I think it is because I need to get to the point in my life when all that is around me is God. When all I can see is the light of His love drawing me closer to Him and leading the way so I don't stumble. There is all kinds of light that we can surround ourselves in but if it isn't from God, it's just artificial and it is not good for us. It may seem okay and maybe have a purpose for our life in a small way but if we are so surrounded by this light that we can no longer tell the difference between the fake light and God's light, then we may need to go somewhere darker (away from the fake light...darkness is just an absence of light) so that all we can see is the true light...the light from God.

The Word of God is a wonderful light and if I apply the scriptures to my life and search for God's truth in them, not Bridgett's version, but the real truth found in the living Word of God, then the lamps will come on and I can start to see what I am supposed to do. It's kind of like I have God with me but I put Him in the back and off to the side...always knowing He is there but waiting until I have to rely on Him alone in order to reach for the Bible or really pray in earnest from my heart. His light is reaching out beyond me but it is so far from my direct path that it really isn't showing me a clear vision of where to go. That is why I have to have Him in the center of my life because He will show me the path that I am supposed to walk in. Have you ever held a flashlight out before you and let it illuminate a large area? You can see a lot of stuff but it's not as bright as if you shine the light closer to the area you are walking. Right? That is why most of us carry the flashlight in front of us and point towards the path we are walking we don't stumble and fall. 

Wow! I feel a lot better. I am really ashamed that I have not seen this before. I am sorry that I don't put God first and foremost in my life all of the time. But you know what? When I repent of this behavior and ask God to help me do better, He will. He is faithful and just to forgive us and He cleanses us and makes us righteous. (1 John 1:9) If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I am not sad that the sky is darker and the rain has fallen, because now I know that I am where I am supposed to be. I will finish out this season with a better perspective on what God has planned for my life and I can start fresh with a new direction and purpose. I thank God that I have my vision back. You see we are not required to have sight, just a vision. (Proverbs 29:18) Where there is no vision, the people perish: but he that keepeth the law, happy is he.