It's Friday evening and I am not sure what to share. I have been starting at my unopened laptop and nothing has come to mind. I have memorized a lot of scripture, but I just couldn't decide on which verse to share. I feel stuck in my life right now. I feel like I am caught in midair. Have you ever been there?
I have been thinking about our life in Alabama a lot. We had no intentions of ever moving back to Indiana but God had other plans. We prayed about it and God confirmed that we should move back. We still weren't sure, so we talked about it and we believed we heard from God, but we just hated to leave our life, our friends, and our family behind again and move back to...what? What jobs? What school would Javan go to? Where would we live? How can we decide on what doctor to see, or choose a school for our son when we had no idea where we would be living. It felt a lot like moving to Alabama when God told us to do so.
Now we are back in Indiana, still staying with Paul's parents and we are so incredibly grateful, but I have to be honest, we want our own home. We fasted and prayed 21 days for it in January and we really thought we would have a home at the end of the fast, but it didn't happen. Then we prayed and Paul felt God had said by February 14, but then that didn't happen. And so each month that goes by, we are like, "God. What's up? Why do we not have our own home yet?" And we have no answer. So we fall back on the proverbial it's just not time yet. It's all in God's time. That's true, it is all in His time, but He promised us a home and it's so very hard to not have our own space.
So I open up my Bible to find something to share and I open back up to Exodus 14:10-16. I should be able to quote it now, I have read through this passage so much this year. It was encouraging in verse 14 when it says, "The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace." Yes! Fight and prevail like only You can, Jesus. But then in this moment I am not seeing that verse jump off the page. Right now I know Holy Spirit wants me to see something else on this page.
You may remember I shared Exodus 14:15 where the children cried out and so Moses cried out to God on their behalf and He said to Moses, (paraphrased) "Why are you crying to Me? Speak to the children of Israel and tell them to GO FORWARD!" And that was encouraging to me. I felt like moving forward included a new house and that was so exciting to me. I was really uplifted by this passage! It was so good. And yet as I read through these verses again tonight, that verse is not highlighted either. So I think okay, what are You trying to tell me God? What am I missing in this passage because You keep bringing it to my attention? So here we are.
In verse 10 the children of Israel saw Pharaoh draw near and they saw the Egyptians marching behind him. It scared them! A lot! And they cried out unto the LORD. I wonder what they said. Did they ask for His protection? Did they just scream in desperation? Because the next verse they cave. They were like, "Why kill us here in the wilderness when we could have died in Egypt?" In verse 12 they are so discouraged and feel so defeated they tell Moses, "We asked you to leave us alone and let us be slaves in Egypt. It was better in Egypt with the torture and poor treatment than to die here in the wilderness." Wow! The religious Bridgett could be so judgmental here. Right? The ones who think they have it all figured out could be so arrogant and proclaim, "The nerve! Listen to the way they spoke to Moses and after all he did to free them from bondage." But broken and wounded Bridgett sees it different.
I am not so different. I am upset that I had to leave my beautiful ocean and my home that I loved and friends I cared about. I miss my church and the hugs and the smiles. I miss teaching the kids and I miss the closeness of being with my husband and our kids. But Alabama was hard. It was hard and it was sad sometimes. We missed our family and friends in Indiana. I missed the fall season. I missed the familiar. I missed knowing where I was going without a GPS all of the time. But I accepted the move didn't I? I'm not so sure now. I moved here but I keep thinking back to Alabama and my home. My bedroom. My bookshelf. My craft cabinet. My kitchen. My pantry. My bathroom. I miss the provision God gave me. Is my heart grieving for the provision when I have the Provider? God forgive me!
I am afraid. Moses tells the scared children of Israel not to fear. I need to remember that God is in control. He promised us a beautiful home and I am going to believe He is a Promise Keeper. He is a Way Maker. It is so hard in the waiting. When the days turn to weeks and the weeks into months, it gets harder and harder to believe the promise is coming, but God is not a man that He should lie. He is going to keep His promise to us. And I need to stop letting fear bring me down. I have to let go of the past. I need to thank Him for the provision He gave us and remember He has always made a way for us and He will do it again. In His perfect time.
Please pray for me this weekend. As you sit in your favorite chair, open your own refrigerator, cook your favorite meal, organize your closet, or relax in your own bed, please say a prayer for me and my family. Please pray that we will hold on to hope and not let go. Pray that we will have the strength to see it through and that God will not delay the promise much longer!
If you are going through something, too, please drop me a comment or email me and let me know. I will pray for you too. God bless you!
~Bridgett Owens
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